Getting to know you…

October 29, 2009

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Do you know your ancestors?

No, I’m not into séances.

No, no, are you in touch with your relatives?

My uncle stroked my bum once many years ago but he told me not to tell anyone.

Not that kind of “touch” stoopid.

He gave me a lolly-pop.

Gross. Let’s start again. Do you maintain your ancestral links?

Oh, no why?

SM Goh says Singaporeans must keep in touch with where their forefathers came from.

Isn’t what chap gor meh is all about?

Stop with all that spirits stuff. I’m talking cultural history here.

Why? Since when?

Since SM Goh went to China. There he visited his father’s village called Wu Ling in Yong Chun. He was so taken up with seeing the room where his father was born that he called all Singaporeans to get in touch with their ancestors.

But I don’t speak Hakka.

Minor impediment. I don’t speak Cantonese either.

So we have to get to know our ancestors and distant relatives without speaking the language?

That’s the problem with you government critics. The damn glass is always half empty. Next you’ll be saying you have nothing in common with a ruddy-face peasant farmer who earns $1 a day scooping pig shit.

Was that what your ancestors did?

Think so. Didn’t you know, “humble” is the new cool! SM Goh said “It is in a way humbling to know that my origin was that humble”.

My great grandfather was a magistrate.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sorry.

Anyway, SM Goh says it’s important to keep in touch with your ancestors.

Like I said, I don’t speak the dialect anymore…*sob* The government’s systematic efforts to kill off our dialects over the years has torn me from my motherland *sob*.

There, there… don’t take it too hard. Just think of it as propaganda and reality passing each other like two ships in the night.

A bit like chopping off a man’s legs and then asking him to keep fit by jogging?

Ouch. Yes. But SM Goh also said all Singaporeans should be loyal to Singapore. Even the new ones.

What new ones?

Those that aren’t maids, construction workers, or masseuses on social visit passes.

But those make the best Singaporeans!

Meaning?

The maids are abused, the construction workers are worked to the bone and the masseuses are constantly screwed.

Abused, worked to the bone and screwed?

The perfect Singaporean.

None of your wise cracks now. Be serious. There was a time when people said that Singapore won’t make it, but we did. There was a time when trouble seemed too much for us to take, but….

Barf!

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3 Responses to “Getting to know you…”

  1. sushibar Says:

    经典:) 哈哈哈

  2. spin Says:

    SM was once denied of access to china visit due to his accusation of China for covering SARS spreading that agitated then the Chinese leaders.

    This trip was really a breakthrough for him to step into mainland but it is at the fringe. He has to work harder to get into the mainstream.

  3. Mesmerised Dead Wood Says:

    How can a banana (yellow outside and white inside), who considers himself a Peranakan all this while, be in a position to inspire others to connect with their ancestors? Just because he suddenly discovered how humble his ancestors were through a visit to his own father’s previous dwelling?

    SM Goh, you can do better than that, right or wrong? With $3.5 million salary per year and free travelling trips at taxpayers’ expense, I am sure you have to do better than that wat.

    By the way, this is a hilariously humourous article. Superb writing.


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